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I was recently sent an opportunity to apply for a full time position in my city. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Don’t you work for yourself?
Yes, I do! And, in doing so, I understand there are opportunities I can create for myself in an interview, should the other party be open to it. So, I have nothing to lose. I had no intention of leaving CWC because she is my baby and I believe in the movement I’m heading up for women to engage in mental health and wellness support for themselves despite the pains of Daddy Issues...which is essentially dealing with emotional trauma. Every conversation with someone who doesn’t know me counts. Remember that.
After a great conversation with a nice woman, I knew I had a wonderful interview no matter how it went! I was able to share all of my experiences as a therapist and how I can be a great asset to the team. It essentially turned into a consultation about how they can make this position make sense in their setting. Of course, I hoped they would think of me for filling this gap.
Today, I got the email that said they had gone with the other candidate. Man, I hadn’t gotten that in a while. It used to hurt me. It brought up all the I’m not good enough narratives. I used to question my approach and wonder how I could do better. As I type this blog post 20 minutes after getting the message, I couldn’t be more proud of who I am as a professional and a person. The ONLY thing I’m annoyed about is that I gave away lots of free, great tips:)
What is it that has us freaking out when we are told “no”? I’m going to tell you a few things that come to mind and how to address them. For some reason, when we are told “no”, we think…
1. We are missing something.
I mentioned the I’m not good enough narrative. It’s something many of my clients struggle with. I also find it with women who are still dealing with the pain of Daddy Issues. Someone tells you they’re going in another direction and you may spiral about how you messed something up. There may be several hours or days of you thinking about what you coulda, woulda, shoulda said. Then, there’s the comparison spirals, where you begin to think of how much you may need to position yourself like the next person and compromise your mission, values, etc. to get the job...the man...you fill in the blank. I’m here to tell you that the negative self-talk spiral is a default we all could use a reset button for. You can overcome that by considering who told you these lies in the first place. Were they truly reliable sources? Spoiler: the answer here should be ‘No”...and I don’t tell people what they “should” do. However, in this case…
YOU have a chance to say “no”. Enjoy debunking the voice that tells you to change your morals, values, etc. to fit the mold. Tell that voice you know you broke the mold and you will consider additions only if they are happy and healthy.
2. This ONE opportunity was THE game-changer for us.
The opportunity may provide a major shift for you, your family, and/or your business. It’s pretty cool you were considered in the first place! That said, you’ll likely attract another opportunity with even bigger impact. I know, I know. You’re probably not here for the Positive Patty Pep Talk. I’m simply asking you to shift your perspective. I wonder what it would be like if you thought of how awesome it was that this was the answer you got. I don’t mean trash the person, place, or thing you didn’t get. But how is it a good thing you weren’t the person for the job? We are so focused on what goes wrong sometimes, we forget how much of a blessing it is that we were told “no” in the first place. This may be the answer that leads to the ACTUAL game-changer. I’ll also add that we get in trouble using absolute language such as: always, never, only, etc. It really puts us in a box. Use this time to work on how you speak. We all know how powerful words can be. Speaking of absolute language...
3. We will NEVER have another opportunity come up again.
See it again? I want to congratulate you. If I wasn’t clear the first time, you were chosen to have a conversation with in the first place. Your love and light attracted someone to you. For whatever reason, it wasn’t a good fit. But I am wholeheartedly believing that at some point, something will be! The worst thing we can do is have a terrible attitude about it and thus, smudge the love and light that got you the opportunity in the first place. You may even create your own space. I really think we are going to attract what we put out. If you are working to align your goals, mindset, etc. with the opportunity you want, it will come--PERIODT.
Thank you for allowing me to process this the best way I know how. Coming to the laptop is my therapy sometimes. It’s literally how I got 2 books:)
How do you fight self-doubt when you’re told “no”? Comment below and share with us!